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  • Sophie Russell

I'm uncertain...

Today, I was definitely slacking a bit. More like it’s NaNoWriMo, so my plans oft go awry.


I also have another book coming out this Friday. Secret Little Elf is a novella in a collection of novellas with the central theme of Elves After Dark.


I love my characters and I’m going to expand upon their story. I may even turn it into a full-length piece someday. Or I’ll just keep writing shorts for holidays and put together a compilation. Either way, we’ll be getting more of Arlo and Mr. Santa.


In any event, I don’t really know what I want to write about, so I’m just going to write about me.


A few weeks ago, I had a bout of depression that was deeper than they’ve been in a while, but it was also significantly shorter than they’ve been, historically.


Then NaNoWriMo hit, the election, and then being a responsible reader (which is timely, because Audiblegate came out like two days ago). My posts are all over the place, and you aren’t getting as big of a peek at the perv as I’d initially intended.


I’ve thought about changing the title of my blog, but really, there is more to me than perviness. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of that there, but overall, it’s only a part of the whole—or a part of the hole… *waggles eyebrows*


Okay, that was really bad, please don’t fire me, lol.


But the reason I created this blog is so that you, dear reader, can get to know me. So that you can ask questions, and so that—maybe—in opening up, I might be able to help, inspire, support, or comfort you. Most of my wounds are healing, and I don’t mind giving you glimpses of them. I don’t mind revealing myself—not in that way, you dirty person!—for you to pick through and take what you need. That is the way that I’m built.


And it’s also the way I was trained to be.


I don’t exactly resent that training, but I wish I’d had a choice in the matter. Either way, though, here I am. I’m irritating, awkward, abrasive, sensitive, anxious, creative, chaotic, intelligent, more than a bit mad, well-intentioned, supportive, unsure, floundering, loving, resilient, appreciative, loud, quirky, and so many other things. I am this mixed bag of beautiful and awful—just like any other human—and I’m here to show you just how human I am, so that you can face how human you are.


I think a lot of people have trouble facing their humanity—I know I do. It’s tough to make mistakes, get messy, screw things up, be misinterpreted, etc. It’s tough to fail, to succeed, to move on, to live.


Life is tough.


Because life is tough, I want you to k now you’re not alone. You—whether or not you’re aware—have a strong community around you. And I’m happy to be part of it.


Community is really what helped me during my downtime. I reached out and had a community who reached back. Morgan checked in on me, Lex sent me memes, friends sent me GIFs, and I asked for help. I let people know that I was going through a tough time, and my community showed up to help me when I couldn’t help myself.


I write this blog, because I hope this can be a way of me showing up for you.


We don’t live in a vacuum, and it’s important that we get over that fact and live… Live, breathe, thrive, make mistakes, ask for help, apologize when you mess up, coach your expectations of yourself and others to something more reasonable, and fucking live.


Surviving is easy, living is hard. Living requires art, and not enough people pay attention to that aspect of life. It is overlooked. I guess that’s what I’m doing my blog for.


I may change the name of it in the future, or I more leave the title as it is, so that I can juxtapose it with things other than perviness.


All I know, though, is that I’m going to keep writing, but I think Wednesday at noon isn’t achievable in the long term. From now on, I’m going to aim for Wednesday, period.


Sorry if this makes no sense. I’m literally falling asleep while writing this. Anywho, have a great day/night/whatever.


Much love.


Sophie

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